I was doing so well. And then, I got on a plane...
I promised I'd be entirely honest during this year, so there's no getting round it: I had an experience last week that set me back weeks...
I've been doing all the positive thinking, trying to exercise every day, watching what I eat and I was beginning to make progress (like walking past shop windows without being horrified at the large woman reflected back at me).
But then, last week, I had to fly abroad for work and it all went horribly wrong.
So here it is: airplane seats. With the unforgiving arm rests that just seem to have been positioned to argue with the widest part of my body. Who decides how wide to make these seats? Do they expect everyone to have unifomally shaped legs with no curves at all?
Now, don't get me wrong here; I'm not the largest woman and I certainly wasn't the biggest on the plane. But the problem was, I felt like I was. And that made me angry with myself for letting an inanimate object (ie the too-narrow seat) define how I saw my body. I felt like I was the only person on the plane having trouble fitting into the seat and that brought back all the old demons regarding my body image. How on earth larger people than me manage to travel by air on budget airlines is beyond me. Do you purposefully have to choose an airline with bigger planes (and therefore more expensive seats) in order to ensure you don't have problems? If so, isn't that a tax on larger thighs in the air? (I realise that sentence looks entirely wrong, but there you go!)
The other issue is that if your seat is constantly crushing into you, isn't that dangerous? My ankles swelled up (and they never do that), which was slightly worrying when you think about the problems of DVTs caused by air travel.
Obviously, people would be justfied in saying that the obvious answer is to lose weight. Fair enough. But does that mean I can no longer travel for business or pleasure until I've shrunk in size? I wouldn't mind if I was a size 32 and weighed 30 stone - by that point, you expect some restrictions due to your size. But I'm a size 18 and not huge by any standards. I just happen to have thighs that are wide at the very point where airplane seat arm rests are placed.
So, I admit it: I'm struggling. Right now all I can remember is that crushing embarassment at feeling like I (quite literally) didn't fit in.
Where from here? I'm not sure. All I know is that I have a lot of work to do to regain my confidence - any suggestions gratefully received!
Pash xxx
I've been doing all the positive thinking, trying to exercise every day, watching what I eat and I was beginning to make progress (like walking past shop windows without being horrified at the large woman reflected back at me).
But then, last week, I had to fly abroad for work and it all went horribly wrong.
So here it is: airplane seats. With the unforgiving arm rests that just seem to have been positioned to argue with the widest part of my body. Who decides how wide to make these seats? Do they expect everyone to have unifomally shaped legs with no curves at all?
Now, don't get me wrong here; I'm not the largest woman and I certainly wasn't the biggest on the plane. But the problem was, I felt like I was. And that made me angry with myself for letting an inanimate object (ie the too-narrow seat) define how I saw my body. I felt like I was the only person on the plane having trouble fitting into the seat and that brought back all the old demons regarding my body image. How on earth larger people than me manage to travel by air on budget airlines is beyond me. Do you purposefully have to choose an airline with bigger planes (and therefore more expensive seats) in order to ensure you don't have problems? If so, isn't that a tax on larger thighs in the air? (I realise that sentence looks entirely wrong, but there you go!)
The other issue is that if your seat is constantly crushing into you, isn't that dangerous? My ankles swelled up (and they never do that), which was slightly worrying when you think about the problems of DVTs caused by air travel.
Obviously, people would be justfied in saying that the obvious answer is to lose weight. Fair enough. But does that mean I can no longer travel for business or pleasure until I've shrunk in size? I wouldn't mind if I was a size 32 and weighed 30 stone - by that point, you expect some restrictions due to your size. But I'm a size 18 and not huge by any standards. I just happen to have thighs that are wide at the very point where airplane seat arm rests are placed.
So, I admit it: I'm struggling. Right now all I can remember is that crushing embarassment at feeling like I (quite literally) didn't fit in.
Where from here? I'm not sure. All I know is that I have a lot of work to do to regain my confidence - any suggestions gratefully received!
Pash xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment